where'd that baby go?

I got sidetracked today while uploading some pictures to Picasa this afternoon. I got this wild hair to find some pictures from this time last year so I could see if it was more spring like outside (it wasn't really, in case you were wondering). While on this very important quest, I got sidetracked once again by pictures I found of this bald, toothless, squishy, rolly, beautiful baby.

What happened to him? I miss that sweet little boy so much! That baby that slept every night snuggled up in my arms, who just rolled around on the floor all day when he wasn't breastfeeding or sleeping. That baby who gurgled and cooed and giggled but couldn't speak. That baby with rolls for days - his thighs, his neck, his wrists. That baby. I miss him so much and can't believe he's gone. I'd love to go back and give him a little squeeze, to feel his wriggly little body and smell his sweet baby smell.

I'm so glad I have a silly, happy, talkative little toddler with me now to keep me from missing that baby too much. His kisses, hugs and 'mamas' sweetly fill the void that baby left. I just wish they didn't grow up so fast!

PS one year ago today we were closing our very first house, our lovely little home. here's an excerpt from the journal I keep for Riggs:

We are in the process of moving into our perfect new home. Nearly all of our things are packed and we will go sign papers later today, and move in on Saturday.

But even more importantly, you played PEEK-A-BOO with mama for the first time today. You love it and your little giggle just melts my heart. We love you so much!

mothers day thoughts

I can't believe that Sunday is going to be my second 'real' Mother's Day (if you count being pregnant too it would be my third - crazy). I've been seeing lots of posts and pins about Mother's Day, posts about gifts to get for loved ones, and about what the 'perfect' Mother's Day would look like.

I've been thinking a lot this morning about what would constitute the perfect day for me...what would be the best way to celebrate being a mother? Many people wish for a little more sleep, maybe an hour alone, breakfast in bed. Those things sound nice (except breakfast in bed - I've never understood that one. SO much easier to just eat at the table! I don't want food in my bed! maybe just having someone else prepare it and clean up would be the ticket ha) but they're not my ideal.

a perfect day...waking up a little after seven (my favorite time to wake up) to the sun streaming in the windows. Hearing Riggs playing in his crib as I do my morning kitchen routine - putting away the dishes and starting the coffee for Steve. Hearing Steve feed the dog and go in to say good morning to Riggs. Steve and I in Riggs' room, smiling and laughing as we change his diaper and get him dressed for the day. Seeing my two guys chattering and reading together at the island while I make some waffles and sausage and set out the plates and silverware and the maple syrup and raspberry lemonade. Sitting down to eat with them and reminding Riggs not to feed Tutka bits of his waffle. Rinsing the plates and letting Riggs down to play for a bit while Steve and I finish our conversation. Slipping on some sandals and sunglasses to sit in the front yard and read a magazine or a good book while Steve throws the ball for Tutka and pushes Riggs in the swing. Meeting up with friends or family for lunch and saving room for dessert. Heading back home for naptime - most likely for all three of us. Waking up and going on a family adventure outside - biking or hiking or just walking. Taking pictures of my guys and getting Steve to take some pictures of me too. Maybe stopping at the Green Store for some ice cream, and eating it at the picnic table in front of the store, chatting with the other locals who come and go. Coming home and making a salad and rice while Steve grills up some salmon for dinner. Hearing Steve and Riggs laughing together as Steve gives him a bath, while I clean up after dinner in the kitchen. Snuggling my clean, PJ clad little boy a bit before nursing him and laying him down sound asleep in his crib. Then snuggling a bit with Steve while we watch something on Netflix or 'iPhone' together. Taking a bath while Steve's outside doing stuff in the yard with Tut. Going to bed feeling blessed and very loved.

As I type this, I realize how lucky I am to have days like what I just described  all  the  time. Sure, there are a few frustrating moments most days and more than a few other days. There can be tears from Riggs, tense moments between me and Steve, a few heavy sigs and eye rolls. But overall, we are really just so happy and I am so thankful for the love that fills our home.

What would your perfect Mother's day be? Your normal routine without any drama? Or an extra-special day with lots of special treatment?

these two

I don't have much to say tonight. 

I just wanted to share these pictures of the two guys that have my heart. 

Hope your Thursday was a good one, I'm off to bed:)

today | sickies, the park, and some molars

Sometimes even though things don't go perfectly in a day, it can still be really, really good. That's how our day was today. Steve was up a lot in the night because he's super sick and congested. At 4:30am I got up to feed Riggy and when I came back to bed Steve was up letting his foreman know that he wouldn't be able to make it to work. We both tried to go back to sleep but didn't have too much luck. I think we both finally dozed off right around 6:45, and our lovely little baby was up at 7:15, ready to start the day.

We had sort of a lazy morning, and at the last minute packed into the truck to go to Lap Sit at the library. I made Steve go too, even though he really didn't want to get out of his recliner - ha. I told him the fresh air would be good for him, but secretly I just wanted him to see how cute Riggs is at Lap Sit. Only when we got to the library, it was closed for training. Oops. We had driven to town so I decided to hop over to the big park just a few blocks away where Riggs could at least do something fun.

It was hilarious to push him in the swing and see him kicking and laughing so hard - he really loved it! We got some cute pictures of us taking turns pushing Riggy, and Steve got a hilarious video. I thought he was taking a picture but he was actually filming - so don't mind my ditziness in it. I swear I was meant to be a blonde ha.

I went on a kid-free and more importantly stroller-free run while Riggs was napping and it just happened to be the sunniest part of the whole day. It was lovely to feel the sun, I almost had to take off my long-sleeve zip-up and just run in my tank! Then we sort of dinked around before going to Steve's doctor appointment for his sickness.

As we got closer to bedtime I must admit I started thinking a lot about how it would go. It hasn't been going well for the last two weeks out of nowhere, even though I know it's because he's getting his bottom molars in and hitting a lot of new milestones. I caught myself starting to worry and said a quick prayer and instantly felt a whole lot better. I made dinner and gave Riggs a bath and then started our bedtime routine. He didn't cry when I put him down, but I went to take a bath and read a bit (can't hear the cries over the bathwater running, I know, I'm a baby) in case he did need to cry a bit. After about twenty minutes I could still hear him crying after I had turned the water off, so I got out and went in to try and nurse him some more. He snuggled right in and and comfort-nursed for about fifteen minutes and drifted off to sleep, still nursing occasionally even in his sleep.

I held him for a good ten minutes while he slept, just looking at his beautiful little face and trying to memorize how it felt to hold that warm little body, with his arms up by his face holding his lovey and his long legs dangling down by my side. Although I admit that I initially felt frustrated when I could still hear his cries after shutting the water off, from the moment I entered his room and saw his tear-streaked face and his little arms stretched up to me I was so happy that I'd gone in again and gotten the chance to comfort him. Being a mama is so hard and yet so very rewarding - I can't even begin to put into words how much I love him and how thankful I am to have him in my life.

And now as I sit here and type this, I feel so happy and content with where I am in my life and with the little family God has blessed me with. What a lovely Tuesday :)

running: first week of may

my running buddy :)

I managed to go running three times last week. This week I hope to go at least four times, but I was happy that I made it out as much as I did! I'm hoping that I'll still have time today to sneak in a four mile run without Riggs/the stroller, but since it's already 5:09pm I'm not sure how realistic that goal is. Laying around blogging is a good alternative though, right? ;)

As you can see my mileage increased as the week went on. My goal for next week is 2-3 three+ mile runs and 1-2 four+ mile run/s. Then the next week I'll increase it again, ect. I'm 'training' for a race at the end of the month that is about 7 miles, the Twilight 12k, so I'd like to be squeeze in at least two or three 7 mile runs before the race to see how they go. I'm not planning on pushing Riggs in the stroller during the race, so hopefully my times will be a little bit faster.

weekending

It was a busy weekend. Right now I wish I could just curl up in bed and sleep for two days. We did lots of things and went lots of places and didn't get much sleep (at least I didn't).

We went to Target and had a little glimpse of what Riggs would look like as a girl (so cute).

I actually wore something other than yoga pants or running clothes on Friday and went to Anchorage to spend the night at my parents. They got an awesome new camper trailer that we went over and looked at after picking up my little sister from the airport (getting back from college yay).

Saturday we spent many hours in the truck to go get tires for the Jeep, but we still had lots of fun together as a family. The boys were excited about the mud tires Steve got, and I was happy about the cute pictures of them being so excited.

I obviously can't write very coherently, so I'll just post some pictures and go lay somewhere in my sweatpants. Hope you've had a happy Sunday!

three silly gooses in a row

please let it be nearly 60 and sunny on Friday!

film friday - april & a bit of may

I spent way too much time yesterday working piecing together bits of film I had from the last month of Riggs, so I thought I'd share it here for your viewing pleasure on this dreary Friday. Get ready for lots of walking practice, it looks like that's what the majority of the last month was spent doing.


Riggs Lately from Whitney Harness on Vimeo.

(See our last film friday video here)

wish list: victoria's secret

It's windy and rainy out tonight so I've cuddled up with my laptop to do some online window shopping. I really want a new swimsuit, and I am about *this* close to ordering one from Victoria's Secret. I went to their website tonight and saw that until May 7th, you get a cute VS tote bag free with any swimwear purchase, so that might just sweeten the deal enough for me to actually order the stuff that's in my shopping bag.

I want a bikini with underwire in the top. I never feel like bikini's have enough support up top without underwire, and I love the styles and patterns they have at VS. Anyone I've talked to has loved the swimwear they've gotten from there too, so that helps. 

I've mostly purchased swimsuits from Gap and J.Crew in the past, and I actually haven't been very happy with how any of the Gap suits have held up. My latest one has been worn less than 10 times and is already all faded and weird on the back of the bottoms. Not attractive at all, and they weren't exactly cheap enough to justify wearing out so quick. 

I've loved all the J.Crew suits that I've gotten, but none of their new ones really stand out to me. I do have this one from J.Crew still but it's too big around the rib cage and doesn't offer enough support for me.

I have my eye on two suits from Victoria's Secret, and I'm debating whether or not I should just get one or both. It's nice to have variety but we are going to Hawaii this winter and there are lots and lots of suits there and it would be fun to pick a few out in person. So maybe just one for now? 

Here's the two I have my eye on:

I love the black with leopard trim but I also love that the green one has a little bit more coverage. Any feedback would be appreciated, tell me which you like better!

forfeited peace & needless pain

Yesterday, I sat in Riggs room and just watched him as he happily looked at book after book. He was sitting on top of a pile of toys he had taken from the baskets, played with for a bit, and discarded to play with the next interesting thing. We had such a great day, you would never have know what had happened the night before. Thanks to some really encouraging comments and insights from some friends and family (thank you all so much, you have no idea what a blessing your words were!), and some much needed time in prayer, my heart and mind were back where they needed to be as a mama.

I recently purchased an extensive collection of kids praise songs from iTunes (such a great deal if you're looking for something similar, only $9.99 for 100 songs) and they were playing in the background while Riggs played. Song after song brought back great memories for me from my own childhood, and I'm happy to be able to share them with my own little Riggy.

One song came on that I have always loved to sing in Church, What a Friend We Have in Jesus. It's such a familiar song to me that I was just sort of zoning out, until these lyrics just jumped out at me and completely caught my attention:

I've probably heard this song at least one thousand times in my life, and I know the lyrics by heart. But I never fully grasped the true meaning of the words until yesterday, in Riggs room, as I was watching him play.

I worry about so many things, wasting time and emotional energy, when I should be trusting in God. I share my worries with Steve and family and friends, dwelling on issues big and small, when I should be sharing them with God first and giving each worry up to him. How much peace have I given up? Unfortunately I'm pretty sure the answer is a lot.

How many times have I suffered through needless pain by letting an issue weigh heavily on my heart for hours, days and sometimes even weeks without remember to pray about it every day and give it up to God?

I felt so convicted as I listened to words of the song, and it's been in the back of my mind constantly since then. Even the smallest worries (and of course the biggest) are important to bring to God, he should be our source of peace and comfort, and we should be taking our problems to him, before anyone else, including our spouses, family and best-friends.

Do you have a favorite verse that reminds you not to worry and to instead trust in God? These are two of my favorites:

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world" John 16:33

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

Happy May Day!

Can you believe it's the first of May? And guess what? It's a beautiful, sunny, fresh-smelling, dewy morning here in Alaska. It's an extra special day for a friend of mine too who welcomed her second baby girl early this morning...new life is so exciting!

On days like today I just get Spring pinning fever! All the pictures of flowers and sandals and beaches and green nearly make me giddy with anticipation. I know it's still pretty chilly and not really too green at all in other parts of the US, like it is here, so maybe seeing some of these beautiful pins will tide us all over until we get our own spring weather!