Friday Favorites: words that inspire

Happy Friday, friends! Do you see a pattern in the quotes I posted today? These are some of my favorite reminders when I'm having a hard time with my current goal of living intentionally, and choosing joy daily. If you've got a little time, check out these posts:

A Helpful Guide to Overcoming Envy

Perfection: the thief of 'good enough'

8 Things Every Person Should do Before 8am

And be sure to check out my Facebook page, where I share articles, photos and thoughts every day that interest and inspire me.

Also, I'm running in the Her Tern Half Marathon Sunday morning, and if you feel so inclined, I'd sure love to have some happy running thoughts sent my way!

why I love running

Sometimes it's hard to explain why we do the things we do. Running is one of those things. It's something that's been a part of my life for over 15 years now, and yet this past six months I've found myself loving it more than I ever have before. I ran xc in high school (very slowly, especially those first couple of years) and then kept running on and off throughout college, entering in a road race here and there over the years. I did a 12k race without even training at all a year before I got pregnant with Riggs. After Riggs was born, I used running as a way to get back in shape, along with beachbody's insanity workout program (read more about that journey, here). 

Once again, I began running this year as part of my post-baby weight loss 'regime'. I originally just wanted to get back to where I was when I found out I was pregnant with Raina. I started eating clean again, working out and running. I signed up for a few road races as motivation to run pretty regularly. And somewhere along the way, I realized that I was really loving to run, in a way that was completely new to me.

I started to push myself harder and run longer distances, and I found myself enjoying it. I'd set out for a three mile run, and would end up running four-plus miles, feeling great the entire time. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been fueling my body with whole foods and not indulging in any added sugars (other than the very occasional treat here and there).

But then there's also the mental-health part of it, which has been the most addicting for me.

Being a mom is hard. Being a mom of two is harder. It's so so so hard. Even on really easy days, it's hard. You find yourself having moments so low that you feel like you'll break and just completely lose what little semblance of sanity you have left. You miss sleep. You miss having the ability to run into the store really quick. You miss your spouse, even when you're technically seeing them for hours each day. 

But most importantly of all, you miss yourself. You wonder what's really even left of the person you used to be. You second guess your parenting decisions and feel guilty so much of the time for things you can't even put into words. And you've undergone so many physical and mental changes since becoming a mom that sometimes you don't even recognize yourself.

This is where self-care comes in. Having the discipline to make self-care a priority is hard. And sometimes when you're dealing with so many other hard things, it feels impossible to add one more thing. But it's one of those hard things that is so incredibly worth it in the end, because it will totally transform your experience as a mother and wife. Read this if you need more convincing (or even if you don't, because it's a great article). 

Since I've been taking better care of myself, I have felt so empowered in all the other areas of my life as well. Because I'm more disciplined about my self-care, I'm more disciplined about house-work, parenting, and nearly every other aspect of my life as a result. Because I'm feeling better about myself and am taking steps to maintain my own personal identity, I'm much more pleasant to be around and less needy to Steve and to close friends and family (not needing them to provide the feeling of value I wasn't finding within myself prior to practicing good self-care).

Now, you might be wondering what this has to do with running. For me, it has everything to do with running. Running has become the biggest part of my self-care, simply because it is my 'me-time'. It's when I'm able to zone out and think, without having to inconvenience somebody to watch my kids. I'm able to have alone time while the kids are with me, thanks to a high quality jogging stroller and two kids who (luckily) are very happy to be strapped in the stroller for 40 to 80 minutes four or five times a week. 

That's not to say it always ends up being the peaceful experience I've been describing. Of course there are those days where the kids go completely crazy in the stroller. Sometimes Raina doesn't stop fussing, even when her needs have been met or Riggs won't stop asking me questions, even when I've told him it's quiet time. There are always going to be those days. But for the most part, I get a solid hour of time to myself, five days a week, and it even counts as exercise too.

Running is hard work. It makes me feel strong. I can push myself to be better and better. Every time I finish a run, I'm reminding myself of how capable I truly am. 

And then, to top it all off, I get to be outside while doing it. I get to explore the back roads and trails around my house. I get to listen to the birds sing, and feel the wind whipping my hair around my face.

And sometimes, I get to slip away in the evening after the kids have gone to bed, completely and truly alone. I listen to my perfectly manicured Brandi Carlisle station on Pandora and find a new trail I hadn't known was there. I stop when the trees break to reveal a vast expanse of field perfectly lit by the golden evening sun. I pause the music and just listen to the perfect silence. No traffic. No other people. Just the sound of my heart pumping blood and oxygen through my veins. And I bask in the breathtaking beauty that is my life in that moment.

"Running is a road to self awareness and self reliance. You can push yourself to extremes and learn the harsh reality of your physical and mental limitations or coast quietly down a solitary path watching the Earth spin at your feet. But, when you are through, exhilarated and exhausted, at least for the moment everything seems right in the world." Doris Brown Heritage

Thanksgiving Recap

We had the most fun Thanksgiving this year with my whole family at a cabin we rented near Big Lake. It was probably the best Thanksgiving I've had personally in over five years, it was really special. Our family has been going through a lot with my grandparents going through the worsening stages of dementia and Alzheimers and it's put more of a strain on things than I really realized. Our family (my dad and mom, her siblings and my older sister mainly) had been caring for them personally since they moved into Anchorage from their homestead in Talkeetna in 2009 and after a lot of very hard changes, heartache and worsening health on my grandparents part we made the decision for them to be moved into the Pioneer Home here in Anchorage, specifically into the dementia ward where they receive round the clock care.

Understandably it hasn't been easy on a few different levels, but it has gone very smoothly considering and I'm very thankful for that. Thanksgiving was the first big holiday since their big move, and my parents and sisters and I decided to get out of town and spend the long weekend all together as a family (minus my little sister who couldn't make it home from college). We rented a really nice cabin on Beaver Lake (near Big Lake) bought a bunch of food and holed ourselves up to spend the holiday together.

We had bonfires, saunas, and hobbit-watching marathons and it was just the perfect way to spend Thanksgiving break. We all agreed that getting away together as a family needs to happen more often and I can't wait for our next chance to do just that.

just before loading everything in truck...I felt like we were moving haha

feeling kind of old today

me at 18
(with my friend, also Whitney, whose birthday happens to be tomorrow)

Today is my birthday. I'm 28 years old, emphasis on the OLD. I don't know what year this happened for you, or maybe this hasn't happened for you yet (lucky you!), but this is the birthday that makes me feel...well, like I'm truly a real adult. I'm not 18 anymore, really I'm not. I may sometimes feel like I am, and then I see an actual 18 year old, and I instantly recognize that I am definitely not 18 anymore. The funny thing is, it's not being married, owning our own house, or having kids that has made it clear to me that I'm actually an adult. It's just this feeling that I have.

I notice my skin looking different, with more lines and less luster. I notice that first thing in the morning (even a beautiful, sunny fall morning like today), I still feel tired. And I want to add it's not the tiredness I used to feel when I had stayed up late with friends or studying for a test. It's bone-deep exhaustion that hangs over me like a thick fog. I notice the way actual 19 year olds look at me, in that dismissive way they tend to looks at older adults who have kids. And I feel it.

This birthday has me feeling a little bit dismayed. It's not necessarily that I'm worried about growing older. It's more that I regret not enjoying my young adulthood as much as I could have. I am so bad at truly living in the moment and being happy where I am, I'm always looking on to what's to come. And no time was this more true than during my early twenties. I was so focused on getting college out of the way so I could get married and have kids. I didn't take the time I should have to enjoy that time, and now it's gone.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love the stage I'm in now. But there's nothing like two young babies and a husband who works a lot to make it clear how different life is now. I still feel like it's a little unreal that I'm truly a mama to two kids, and I'm so in love with being their mama. I guess I'm just saying, man time goes by fast. Appreciate where you are in life and don't wish it away, once each day passes it's gone for good.

In addition to my little bout of melancholy this morning, I'm also feeling very thankful for so many things, including just the privilege to wake up today, safe and with plenty of food to eat. And I'm especially thankful that I get to spend my day with my two beautiful babies, who bring such immense joy to my life. I wouldn't trade anything, even going back in time for a day or two, for being their mama today.

currently {vol. 6}

t h i n k i n g  |  about the things I need to get done with the rest of my day after Riggs wakes up from his nap. my list includes a trip to town, figuring out what to make for dinner and then actually making it, and laundry. there's always laundry. also hoping to get some more sewing done tonight after the babies are in bed, but I'll probably just end up snuggling on the couch with Steve, which is probably better anyway.

m a k i n g  |  the fall urge to craft has come upon me once again and I've been knocking out sewing projects right and left. I also have some plans to crochet a few more scarves (for me and Riggs and also for some friends) and am toying with the idea of making a few things here and there as I craft for my babies to list in an Etsy shop. this stroller quilt would be one of the items I would have available for preorder...thoughts?

w e a r i n g  |  oh Hannah why did you have to include this one?! you guys, I seriously wear workout/lounge clothes all day, every day. I only wear jeans to do outside chores and for special nights out on the town. also, I would wear skirts/dresses more too if I could find some that I loved. it's tricky to nurse in most dresses. 

also I still don't quite fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans (I can get them up and even button them, but it's not a pretty sight haha) so that's a problem. maybe I'll go work out after I finish this post, except that I probably won't. sigh.

a n t i c i p a t i n g  |  and planning for the upcoming winter months. we've been making plans with both sides of the family for fun weekends out and about around the state and I can't wait. I'm trying to brainstorm fun actives and delicious foods for us to eat while on our adventures, and so pinterest has once again become an evening hobby as a result.

t h a n k f u l   f o r  |  the way all the little pieces of my life have come together to make it what it is now. my heart is so full everyday, despite the struggles that come naturally with being a wife and a mom to two babies. At nearly twenty-eight years old, I feel like I'm doing what I truly want to do and free to be myself, to really be myself. It's amazing to realize and as we enter the season of holidays that focus on giving thanks and spending time with the people we love, I feel incredibly blessed to have such a full heart and fulfilling life.