love costs all we are

Parenting is hard. It was hard with one child, and now that there are two, it's harder. I guess it's not just parenting that's harder, it's life. These babies I cherish so deeply take more time and love, which is less time and love I'm able to devote to being a wife and a friend and a person in general. It's takes time and love away from being me. 

By the time I've given to everyone else for the day, I'm so drained that there's usually nothing left over for me. Yet I'm often still surprisingly content despite my fatigue, because giving to the three people that I love most dearly in the world is a huge part of being me. It feeds my soul in a way I never could have imagined.

In these last four weeks, there has been so much joy and love and awe. And yet nearly every day I've had moments where I hang my head and close my eyes and feel tears welling up behind my shut-tight eyelids. Deep breaths help, but opening my eyes to see my newborns red, screwed up face as she cries out in her need for me or in the confusion and concern in my two year olds bright, blue eyes as he watches the tears slide down my face makes me feel like I'm failing, just a little bit. And the truth is, every day I do fail a little bit. There's things I could do better and that will always be true. 

I'm so glad that love is there to smooth things over and make things better. To give me the strength I need to try again tomorrow. To bring a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart that nothing but abounding love could inspire. When I open my eyes and see those two faces happy and content because of love poured out of me onto them, I know that the love I gave of myself has returned to me tenfold. The hard moments are overshadowed so thoroughly by moments that fill me with happiness and I'm content. 

"We dare be brave

And Suddenly we see

That love costs all we are

And will ever be.

Yet it is only love

Which sets us free."

Maya Angelou

four weeks | newborn photos

Raina is four weeks old today, how did that happen? To celebrate I'm sharing her newborn portraits here this morning. We still need to get some group/family shots but I'm almost thinking of waiting on those until she's a little more awake and able to hold her head up for long periods of time. And then we can use whatever we get for our Christmas card too.

I've taken so many pictures of her during her first couple of weeks of life and am thankful I was able to find time to plan and take some more formal portraits myself this time around. They're not perfect but they are good enough and I'm very happy with them.

Happy four weeks Raina Grace, we love you!

Arctic Thunder 2014

We packed up our kids and went to the airshow Saturday on JBER. It was so much fun! I was just so happy to have Steve home on a Saturday that I couldn't have cared what we were doing as long as we were together. 

The line to park was looonnnggg. It took an hour and fifteen minutes to get from the gate to our parking spot (a distance that would normally take 10 minutes max). Luckily we could still watch the opening ceremony from the truck, and we broke the law and let Riggs sit in my lap during the most exciting bit (we were stopped and the truck was even in park - don't call CPS).

When we finally parked and unloaded we were in a huge herd of humans and both Steve and I were a little tense until we could get away from the mob. The kids did great and there was no whining...until it was time to leave the model trains they had set up. At which point it was complete meltdown until he fell asleep just in time to miss the thunderbird demonstration. Oh well! With both kids sleeping Steve and I were free to watch the show without any distractions and we cuddled like when we were first dating while we watched. It was perfect.

waiting in line wore her out

finally out of the car and headed to the show!

the magical train...which was apparently more exciting than the entire show

ahhh...peace

It was our first outing together with both kids other than a quick trip to the store or to church and it just felt right...despite the extra work. It was such a nice day and I'm so glad we went.

Also maybe my favorite part was running into a blog follower who recently moved up here from Texas. I was so glad she came up and said hello, it's so fun to meet new people through my little blog space :)