how can it be?

The snow is softly falling outside as I sit in complete silence during Riggs' nap time. I pull out my computer to get some work done for the PropagandaAK blog, and to hopefully squeak out a post for my own blog. I'm finally starting to feel back to normal, although I'm still coughing quite a bit.

I deep cleaned Riggs' room this morning and got all the laundry done. There aren't any dishes on the counter and I'm still feeling motivated. I must be starting to feel better.

And then as I'm typing away I glance down and see the date: December 12. I actually gasp out loud. Today, Riggs is 23 months old. He will be two years old in a month. And I sit here in shock, wondering, how did this creep up on me so fast? How have I let two years with him go by so fast? It just doesn't seem real that he will be two, truly it doesn't. I remember the moment he was born as if it were yesterday.

When I stop to look back, I feel like I can see every moment with him flashing through my memory as if they were little flashcards, and as time goes by they flash by too fast for me to see them clearly. I'm already forgetting, I realize in a panic. I'm already forgetting little moments I swore I'd remember forever, little things baby Riggs did that were so precious to us at the time, the way he felt when I held him. And it hurts. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me want to run in his room, wake him up and hold him close.

There are so many unknowns when it comes to having a child, so many things you just have to wait and experience as your child grows. This is one aspect of parenthood that just completely blind sighted me. I never, ever imagined how hard the passing of time would be on me as a mother. Whenever I stop and notice how fast things are going, I feel a heart-wrenching panic, like nothing I've ever felt before. It frightens me. It hurts me. It terrifies me.

Riggs at 23 months is so different than he's ever been before. He has grown into a person, separate from Steve and I, with his own likes and dislikes. He's so busy everyday just living his little life, learning and growing and exploring. He loves us so much, by his own choice, and we feel humbled and blessed. His hugs and kisses feel better than anything in the world. His smile lights up a room and brings a smile to every face in it.

He talks and gestures and his expressions are so incredibly funny. His love for reading is just growing every day, and sometimes he wants to read more books than mama can handle. When I stop reading aloud to him at twenty, twenty-five, thirty books, he sits and 'reads' them on his own.

He laughs often and loudly, and his laughter is often contagious. We have had to cut his hair twice since his first hair cut a few months ago, and it already needs it again. He's a good eater, and when we go out to eat will sit at the table next to us to eat his meal, usually very content to quietly color or play with his car until his food comes.

I'm so selfishly happy that he still breastfeeds before his nap and before bed. It's our time together and I cherish it more than he will probably ever know. He runs and jumps and dances all day long and Tutka is his best friend in the whole world.

His growth has really slowed down while he masters other skills, and he weighs in at 25.3 pounds as of this morning (putting him in the 30th percentile). He is 34.5 inches tall, putting him in the 74th percentile for height. He still wears some 18-24 month clothes, but we are slowly transitioning to all 2T clothes, which are long enough but pretty baggy. He has all his teeth except for his two year molars, and we are expecting those at any moment.

Everyday is truly an adventure with him, and everyday it seems he masters a new skill. Every night Steve and I seem to talk about how smart he is, how much we love him, and how in awe of him we are. We just can't get enough of him! I sometimes find myself thinking, I can't wait until he--- and I try to stop it as soon as it starts. Of course I can't wait for all the joys and experiences that life will bring him, and yet I want to cherish every single day as much as I possibly can with him.

Riggs. We love you right up to the moon and back, and always will. xoxo