Tuesday, February 8, 2011

the sickness of acquiring

Lately I have realized that I have a problem.  A big problem, one that, thinking back about makes me nauseous.  yes, I'm talking about a shopping addiction.

BUT, this is not what you think.  This is not a Nordstrom type addiction or even an REI addiction (honest - I get made fun of there for not having enough coats).  I don't even have a problem that equals up to thousands of dollars spent on clothing piled in my room which I haven't taken the tags off of and can't even get to (hoarders still haunts me, can you tell?).  This problem is worse.

This is the problem of not being able to go a week without buying something, whether it be a peanut butter cookie and milk at Kaladi's or another DiGiorno's Pizza at Fred Meyers.  I hate it!  I think it is the biggest waste of time and money, even if it doesn't add up to as much as many other shopping additions.  And worst of all, it is has a dire cause:  lack of discipline.  This must be my biggest flaw.

As far as public discipline goes, I excel.  I'm always at work on time, I always get my homework in on time, and I'm nearly always early for church whenever I have an extra responsibility there, such as nursery.  Yet even in those areas, there is room for improvement.  In my personal life, its much, much worse.  I eat when I'm bored or stressed.  I don't hang up my clothes after I take them off, but wait a day or two before finally putting them all away.  I clean the litter box three times a week instead of everyday.  The medicine cabinet in my bathroom is disorganized.  I don't feel like cooking at least one night a week so we stock up on pizza, or go get one (the afore mentioned Digiorno's).  I get up at 5:25am instead of 5am and then don't have time to pack a lunch for work and end up at Kaladi's getting my cookies and milk fix.  And all of this laziness and lack of discipline adds up and makes me feel miserable about myself!

I think, just wait till I'm not working and going to school, then I'll be much better about things, yet that is just an excuse.  Wasn't I reading for an hour earlier today when I could have been organizing, cleaning, crafting or meal planning?  This internal battle is beginning to wear on me heavily and I am miserable and stressed more and more often.  I think of my Bible study, that discipline is a major aspect of Godliness, and I know I have to work on it.  It is hard!  But I just have to pray about it everyday and work hard to cultivate my discipline.

This week, I am setting a goal not to spend any random money. This excludes important, planned things, such as our land payment and our Full Circle order and our date night this weekend.  Pray for me and keep me in your thoughts and I'll let you know how it went in a week. Hope everyone has a good week!

1 comment:

  1. I'm right there with ya sis, both praying and needing prayer!