KCCO

I finished sewing the binding on the birthday quilt, yay!  And it will be just in time too, for its little recipient.  I love how the quilt turned out, all the colors and patterns and textures.

I had a pretty productive weekend, it's so exciting!  I was able to finish the top of my Christmas quilt (that I started last year before Christmas, ahem) and love how it turned out!  I can't wait to buck some backing fabric (I'm thinking thick, warm flannel) and snuggle up under it in front of the twinkling tree with a mug full of something steaming.

I also started cutting out pieces for my pinwheel quilt, and hope to be ready to sew by this next weekend.  Lots of crafting around here and other changes too, that I hope to post about sometime soon. We are still changing things around in the house and getting completely settled in and it feels so good.  Happy Tuesday!

leaves that are green turn to brown

This post is going to be all about Riggs.  I'm making it clear now so that if baby love notes aren't really your thing, you aren't tricked into reading them.

The words I'm about to type are very personal, and I debated whether or not I should even post them here.  But this is my little bit of space in the virtual world, and I enjoy having a record of sorts to look back on and remember.

Last night I was very tired, and got in bed early for a little alone time.  It wasn't long, however, before I was joined by two guys who wanted to spend time with mama.  For a fleeting moment (really just a second or two), I thought about that space I had just had, that sweet silence I had been savoring and soaking up before being interrupted by the two sleepy but happy faces that I love most.  The thought was quickly gone, replaced by conversations about our day and shared laughs about Riggs' crazy seven-month-old antics.

And though I felt as though I could barely keep my eyes open, I found that once again, I was the last to be awake. I lay there, wondering why that was.  When I thought about it, I realized that I was thoroughly enjoying being in that moment, squeezed in between my two loves, who were sleeping so peacefully on either side of me.  All of this feeling was welling up inside me, all jumbled and mixed up and I knew that I would be able to sleep until I calmed the inner workings of my over-stimulated mind.  I tried to write down what I was feeling, but found that words were not coming so easily to me.  But I kept working at it, scratching out word after word trying to capture that moment and at the same time ease my mind, and after about an hour, I suddenly stopped writing.

Sweet little breaths, faster than my own.  
One eye barely open, not seeing.
His strong heart, beating against my own.
Ankles crossed, clammy feet sometimes pushing, sometimes resting on my thighs.
Little mouth, open and searching, frantically searching, arms flying up.
I move slightly, press in towards him, and that little mouth closes greedily, arms slowly lower, fingers relax gently, one by one.
Warm and soft, a living reminder of the love that weaves through the us.
Our bodies seek out each other, despite the wide expanse of space on the bed, and our breaths go in and out, out, out, in, in, out, a symphony of sleeping.
I move, he sighs, he twitches - hand opens and closes, and hovers over a now cool spot where it had been resting, ever so softly, on my neck.
Slowly, slowly, slow, the fingers relax and down, down comes that hand.  I relax too under that soft touch.

Lying awake, fighting sleep, just to soak this in a little longer, this one and only night.  Feeling who my baby is tonight, mourning who he will not be anymore by tomorrow, knowing how fleeting this time is.  
Knowing that, despite my fight, the seconds are passing, soon I will sleep, unconscious and unaware of the warm little body next to me, growing and changing so fast, like magic.  
Then I will wake, and another day will start, and end, and weeks will pass, then months, and he won't sleep with me anymore, and he won't sleep in my home anymore, and I won't ever again feel those feet, pressing into my thighs, and that open mouth, wet and searching, and this little hands, grasping and hovering and stroking, ever so softly.  
So I struggle to spend just one more moment awake, feeling and savoring and experiencing.  I know that despite these efforts, I'll never remember exactly how it felt to be in this moment and I feel sad resignation creeping in. 

I read back over what I had written, and then set it down on the table next to the bed, smiling as I wiped away tears that had collected in my eyes and welled over to roll down my cheeks in big waves.  Laying back down onto the bed, I held Riggs close, scooting down so that my face was just even with his.  I rubbed my nose on his cheek and kissed his little lips, savoring the sweet, milky smell of his breath and the sound of his even breathing.  And then I closed my eyes, and finally, I slept.

Weekending

New teeth (more!), fevers, cluster feeding, napping, sore legs, Prairie Home at St. Olaf (laughing WITH the Lutherans lol), wild hair (not caring), piece cutting, heart swelling, sunny/windy/rainy day.

{this moment}

this moment.  A Friday ritual.  A single photo, no words, capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

feels like fall

It's starting to feel like fall here, and I am settling into it quite well.  Every year, the chill slowly creeps back into the morning air, schools are filled with students again, and I am filled with excitement for my favorite time of the year.  Saying that I love fall (and winter) is really the biggest understatement ever.  I really, really, really love it.

I thought a good way to welcome the fall would be to make a list (have I mentioned that I love making lists?) of a few of the things I love about fall.

1.  adding an extra wool blanket to our bed
2.  rainy days
3.  making a fall Bob Dylan playlist (I seriously love making lists)
4.  road trips
5.  running at Kincaid
6.  homemade bread fresh from the oven slathered with butter (and I mean slathered)
7.  mornings when we wake up as a family with smiles on our faces and happy plans for our day
8.  wind rustling through the dying leaves
9.  the way the sun shines differently, with less glare and more gold
10.  candlelight
11.  darkness
12.  reading on the couch under a homemade quilt
13.  the balance between chilly days and warm, cozy clothes
14.  family get togethers (they always seem to get more frequent for our families)
15.  birthdays and holidays

Monday night in the kitchen

Tonight Steve and I both felt like pizza.  We didn't have the usual pizza makings, other than mozzarella cheese.  So we improvised.  First I put some salmon in the oven to bake and then I whipped up some whole wheat/coconut oil thin crispy crust.  I diced up some broccoli and cauliflower while listening to Dr. Thad (on Line One Your Health Connection) with some sounds from Steve and Riggs playing together drifting from Riggs' room.

I melted some butter on the stove and added some garlic and dried oregano.  I rolled out the dough and spread on the butter sauce.  Before I began I checked the fridge for any leftovers we could add to the pizza, and found some rice/quinoa/barley/millet/lentil mix that we had eaten on Saturday. I sprinkled that on the pizza along with the broccoli, cauliflower, salmon and cheese and then slipped it into the oven.

Once it came out of the oven, it was gobbled up pretty quickly.  I enjoyed mine with the ballet measure pamphlet and some craigslist.  So good!

Riggs sat in the laundry basket while we ate, and was having so much fun just sitting there.  What a lovely way to spend the evening...hope yours was just as nice.

Riggs: month seven

Riggs,

Today you are seven months old.  Where has the time gone?  I couldn't tell you.  I feel like time has become such a sneaky thing since you were born.  It seems that it has been so long that you've been with us and yet wasn't it just yesterday that you were born, all pink and wrinkly and new?  It's been 214 days, and what a beautiful 214 days it has been!  You have changed so much, and learned so much, and we are just in awe of you, of who you are. 

This last month has been full of more growth than I thought possible, and with it some hard times too...maybe some of the hardest.  You now have four beautiful little teeth that you didn't have 4 short weeks ago, with two more about to break through the skin.  What a struggle it is for those sharp little teeth to come in!  I know that you have made it through like a trooper, barely struggling at all compared to some of the other stories I hear.  Yet there have definitely been some rough times here and there along the way (crying fits, nursing strikes, and projectile vomiting, to name a few).  

You are more mobile than ever, able to move all around on your own.  From sitting to tummy, to scooting to hands and knees, to sitting again.  It really amazes us just how determined you can be, your eyes narrow and you start to grunt, reaching and reaching for anything that catches your eye.  

One thing that hasn't changed is your sunny and peaceful personality, shining through so brightly, and never failing to bring a smile to our faces.  You are just a joy to be around, and the best company I could ask for to spend my days with.

This month you've really started to notice the dogs, and I don't think much could excite you more than the sight of one of your furry friends within grabbing distance.  Beau isn't very happy with the new attention, especially when you grab a handful of his curly hair (with quite a bit of skin too), but Tutka couldn't be happier to get the attention.  You both seem to have infinite patience with each other, he steps on you, or knocks you over with his tail, and you grab his hair, pull his ears, and steal his bone right from his mouth.  It is so fun to watch you grow together, although his growth has far surpassed your own.  

Your physical growth has slowed down just a bit, to give your more energy for all the new things you have been learning.  You are 19 lbs 14oz now, which puts you 73% for weight.  And you are nearly two and a half feet from head to two (28.75") which puts you in the 93% for length.  Your head keeps growing too, and is now 45.72 cm (86%).  I noticed earlier today when rocking you that your soft spot has nearly closed up completely, and it brought tears to my eyes.  Just another milestone that means you're not the little newborn I used to know.

We love you so, so, so much and thank God for you every day!

xoxo,
Mama and Daddy