an emotional day

I haven't gotten much sleep over the last two weeks. The worst thing is, there's not any real reason that I haven't been getting sleep. I just can't sleep, it's so frustrating! Either I can't fall asleep or I when I wake up in the middle of the night I can't go back to sleep. Last night Steve was so sweet and rubbed my neck and back to help me fall asleep, and I slept so well for about six hours. It was the longest stretch of sleep I've gotten in at least two weeks, and it felt so good!

I felt amazing when I woke up, and got dressed up and even had my hair curled and some make-up on before Riggs woke up (that is a true miracle). I had to run a few errands in town, so I decided to eat breakfast with Riggs at Turkey Red in Palmer. It was fun to have a date with my little man, and we were the only ones sitting down to eat so it was really quiet and relaxing.

It was a great way to start the day, but I was nearly worn out by the time we got home. I got on my computer to look for a recipe, and to check our local news. I was devastated by what I found there. Early Sunday morning an Alaska State Trooper Rescue Helicopter went down after picking up an injured snowmobiler near Talkeetna, Alaska. I had heard about the crash Sunday evening, but they hadn't released the names yet.

Today I found out that the pilot of the helicopter was Mel Nading, a man whose daughters I went to school with from kindergarten all the way through high school. I can't imagine what they are going through, and my heart is just hurting so badly for them. I remember Mel from elementary school mostly, when he was always so friendly and involved in his daughters lives. His had three daughters, each the same age as me and my sisters, and as a result we've all been sort of inter-connected for as long as I can remember. I haven't seen any of them (in person) in years, but I follow Nichole's blog regularly and I know they are a very close family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as they go through this hard time!

I had to get outside and go on a walk in the sunshine to clear my head. It was a pretty emotional day, with lots of highs and lows, and I just feel so tired. When I was putting Riggs to bed this evening, I couldn't keep the tears from flowing as I thought of the families of those killed in the helicopter crash yesterday. And I just prayed and prayed that Riggs won't lose his daddy too early. Steve's job is such a big part of our lives and I'm so proud of him and how hard he works, but it can be very dangerous. I try not to think about that too much, but it's at times like these that the statistics do start to creep into my mind.

pictures Steve texted me from work today

On my walk today by the river I just let the sunshine soak into my soul and warm me all the way through. There was so much beauty all around me that it was hard to remember all the ugly things that happen in this world, that there are so many people hurting very deeply. I'm so glad to have a heavenly Father that loves me and comforts me even when I'm at my lowest.

'God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble'

 Psalm 46:1

Uncle Harold

My grandmas last living sibling died last week, on April 14.  I'm saddened to say that I don't remember ever meeting him, but I do remember looking at pictures of him in all of the photo albums my grandma has compiled over the years.

I just saw a post that my Aunt Connie wrote and shared on Facebook and thought it was so well written and such a great tribute to Uncle Harold that I had to share it here:

My Uncle Harold

My mother's oldest brother was named Harold.  He was born in 1920 and when my mom spoke of him, you'd always sense a little reverence in her voice.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I really understood why.  I knew he had been wounded in World War II.  I knew people spoke about him as if his walking was amazing, but as a child I didn't really understand.  

Uncle Harold and his wife Aunt Betty came and visited us in Alaska when my son was about 7.  I hadn't seen them since I was probably 10 or 11....An 11 year old doesn't really appreciate an Uncle and Aunt sometimes.  But I got to know them a bit as we travelled down to Homer together.  I remember that Uncle Harold's birthday was during the trip, so I made a German Chocolate Cake.  I had pretty much forgotten about it, but I came to find out 20 years later that it was something they had certainly not forgotten.  

My husband and I moved to Illinois in 2003 and since that time we started vistiing Uncle Harold and Aunt Betty on occasions, and I really started to understand what a hero my Uncle was.  My Uncle enlisted in the Army in 1940 and served until September 1945.  He was literally blown out of a foxhole, which basically ripped his calf muscle competely off, and destroyed some of his thigh muscle as well.  I don't know all the details, but I know bits and pieces.   I know that an older Dr. wanted to amputate his leg and a younger Dr. wanted to give a new drug, "penicillin" a try.  They actually packed the open gangrenous wound with the medicine, gave him penicillin and waited 24 hours to decide whether to amputate his leg.  

Twenty-four hours later, improvement was seen, and his leg was saved.  He ended up being transferred to the hospital in Springfield, Mo. and when my Aunt Betty met him he had a cast on his leg, with a turnbuckle on his knee joint and his ankle joint.  The knee and ankle were bent and could not straighten up and they would turn the turnbuckle each day to straighten his leg and ankle.  He said it was excruciating. They told him he would never walk again.  He told them he would dance at his wedding.  

I seem to remember him telling me about wheelchair races int he hallway of the hospital, even tho it terrorized the nurses.  Aunt Betty even yesterday says, "I can't believe he was interested in me, he was so handsome".  I remember Uncle Harold saying he saw Aunt Betty and that was it.  She told us yesterday that Uncle Harold and her would go out to the movies.  Her cousin Sarah says, and what did you do?  She says "neck".  She says we had to go places with public transportation because Uncle Harold didn't have a car, which she says was good thing.  We all die of shock.  They were marreid in the spring of 1946.   I don't know if there was dancing, but he was certainly walking.  

My Uncle was a Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient.  

My uncle endured repeated surgeries.  I know he endured pain beyond belief.  He never complained.  Instead he was so happy about how long he had been able to walk and work, and provide for him and his wife.  

My Uncle Harold loved to drive and he didn't go the same way twice.  When we would visit he would take us on drives out in the countryside surrounding Springiled.  Aunt Betty would pack us a lunch and off we would go.  I felt comfortable enough to holler from the back seat as he would corner crazily, "We're all gonna die", and he would look at Doug and say, "Well, I didn't want to take it off the cruise control."  

My Uncle Harold called me Elaine (my mom's name) a lot.  When Aunt Betty would say, "Harold, that's not Elaine", he would respond, "Well, if she didn't sound just like Elaine, I wouldn't call her Elaine".  

When you would start talking about heading out to home, Uncle Harold would ask you "Which way are you going home?"  Then the Atlases would come out.  He and Aunt Betty would get out some maps and start planning your trip home so that you would have the prettiest drive, or the fastest trip, or see somethijng new.  So much fun!

My Uncle Harold did not live in the past.  When my young neice at the end of her high school years came to visit, we went and saw Uncle Harold and Aunt Betty.  They carried on a conversation about her goals and her college education choices, her interests, his injury, and family.  There was no generation gap!  

My Uncle Harold died on Saturday, April 14.  He was 91 years old.  He was a Christ-follower and he was ready to be released from the pain this world had dealt him.  His wife is grieving, his nieces and nephews miss him, and anyone who ever met him, misses a friend.  I would like to honor my Uncle Harold.  

This is my Uncle Harold and Aunt Betty (I believe on their wedding day).

Notes from a Dragon Mom

This morning while reading a variety of news articles and blog posts, I innocently clicked on the link to this article and was not, not at all, prepared for what I was about to read.  Minutes later, tears streaming freely down my cheeks, I looked down at my sleeping son and took a few moments to thank God for the time I get to spend with him.

Although he doesn't have a disease that we know now will take him from us at an early age, like Emily's case with Ronan, he will die at some point.  It could be tomorrow or it could be 80 years from now and long after I myself have passed away.  The point is I don't know (and never will) and I want to savor every minute I have with him and make them count.  Teach him about God, and love, and nature, and history, and all the other things I love in this life.

As parents we can sometimes get stuck on the inconveniences of raising a little one (or two, or three, or six) and spend our time focusing on what we aren't getting, like sleep or the freedom to do exactly what we want, when we want.  Instead, we need to focus on what we are getting - moments, hours, days, weeks, and hopefully years with a little miracle, a blessing that God hand-picked for us to spend (hopefully) the rest of our lives with.  I am so thankful!

Brian Jacques

When I sat down at my computer today, I was greeted by some sad news.  Apparently author Brian Jacques died Saturday evening.  He was only 71.

Growing up, I think it is safe to say that the Redwall books were family favorites.  My entire family read them and loved them.  One of the appeals of these books is that they are really and truly unlike nearly any other series I've read, and Jacques was so good at coming out with new books.  Redwall was published in 1986, and the latest in the series, The Sable Quean, came out just last year.  It is sad to think that this will finally be the end of the series.  For anyone who hasn't read these books, I highly recommend them.  

Begin with Redwall, although chronologically, it is not the first book.  This is the chronological order of the books, as listed on the official Redwall website:

• Martin the Warrior
• Mossflower
• The Legend of Luke
• Outcast of Redwall
• Mariel of Redwall
• The Bellmaker
• Salamandastron
• Redwall
• Mattimeo
• The Pearls of Lutra
• The Long Patrol
• Marlfox
• Lord Brocktree
• Taggerung
• Triss
• Loamhedge
• Rakkety Tam
• High Rhulain
• Eulalia!
• Doomwyte

No matter what order you read the books, the valiant, yet somehow realistic animals in these stories will charm you as their lives thrill you.  I know I will miss reading each new book as it comes out, and will feel that twinge of sadness each time I read the books from now on, knowing that the creator of such a beautiful world is now gone.